Attention Citizens Of Bali: Public Health Warning

WARNING: All current residents of Bali — Apparently Tara Reid has outlasted her welcome by continuing to roam the island…probably looking for some fresh alcohol geysers or some other drunken idea her brain pooped out. We know you folks harbor some nasty diseases on that rock, but it’s nothing a simple SARS mask can’t take care of, right?

However in this case, Tara Reid poses a massive public health risk to all women, children, and elderly men. She was last spotted at the flower market less than 20 hours ago with a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka and red lighter in tow. We’re not quite sure what doctors would classify Tara’s infectious amalmagation as, but her skin doesn’t seem to wanna’ stay attached that bone structure and last time I checked, this was generally a problem affecting women over 50. Or if you’re named Tara Reid I suppose.

We recommend seeking shelter until the threat is neutralized. If you absolutely must be mobile, please consider suiting up in either of the following if you wish to remain alive:

Military grade [N-B-C] warfare service kit offers all-in-one protection!

Or, if you’re big ballin up in Bali then peep this here Tychem TK 640 Deluxe Chemical Suit (Level A). It’s a steal at $800, and you’re guaranteed to be amongst the survivors.

Good luck!