Sure Beats Prison

Here’s felonious girlfriend-assaulter Chris “Breezy” Brown satisfying part of his 180 days community service, spotted today (FRI 9/17) in hometown Richmond, VA. The R&B crooner was stalked by paps throughout his shift, snapped manually laboring away with fellow offenders. Today the deviants were tasked with clearing property…AKA rock-shoveling into a pickup bed. Quadruple-woot! Hmmm, at least that i-Pod was authorized for use during slave hours. What’s more surprising, however, is the fact ol’ “Chief” even permitted Chris to wear a “gangster-style” throwback cap during work service! Obviously, you know this kid simply cannot appear publicly without his slick-rick sporting hat. Douche thuggin’ for life, yo!

Chris Brown began performing his community service this week in connection with his sentence for assaulting Rihanna – and it attracted some media and fan attention where he was performing his work in Virginia. Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Patricia Schnegg sentenced Brown to five years’ probation and ordered him to do 180 days of community labor — to be directly supervised by the police chief in Richmond, Va. Brown also will go through a 52-week domestic violence program sponsored by Commonwealth Catholic Charities in Virginia. Schnegg also ordered Brown to stay at least 100 yards away from Rihanna, unless they are attending an “entertainment industry event,” when the restriction falls back to 10 yards.

His first days of work drew reporters, requiring officials to provide extra protection for the pop star. Judge Schnegg repeatedly made it clear at that she wanted Brown to perform physical labor, rather than community service, in Virginia, where his family lives and he has a permanent home. She said she had received a letter from Richmond Police Chief Bryan Norwood indicating that he’d be removing graffiti, picking up trash, washing cars or maintaining grounds.

Sadly, though, for “Breezy’s“ lonesome sake, he wasn’t flossin’ a single piece of ice during this shift, despite max. stylin’ in a reflecto-orange safety vest & T-Shirt/khakis combo...at least, until the clock rang quittin’ time anyway. That’s roughly about when Winston rolls into sight, chauffeuring the Bentley (or whatever Richy Rich is rolling this month.) Only one thing matters here–Hidden compartments inside that vehicle, brimming with loads of precious jewels! Just so you’re aware and possibly, also happen to enjoy moonlighting as ‘Mr. Locksmith.”

Want a closer look of Chris grinding out hours at work program, really now, eh? Simply pay a visit down to the Richmond countryside these next few months–pack your Hustler’s, binocs’ and jerky snack, since you’ll be scoping the hills for that first band of psychotic law-breakers roaming in sight. They’ll be slaving alongside a dusty, random road in the dirty sticks (or perhaps, desolate crop field / weedy swampland.)

You’ll know the trail’s hot once the air begins violently wreaking of a familiar stench: animal manure, flaming redneck farmer barrels, and vast fields of wheat. Also, you’ll definitely note the succinct aroma of Brown’s complaints, disgust and rotten diva-ego tainting the oxygen.