Chuck Norris Facts Tuesday

1. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

2. Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer’s arm and beat him to death with it. Game, Set, Match.

3. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

4. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris doesn’t go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

6. Fact: Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman survives.

7. It is said that looking into Chuck Norris’ eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody’s future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

8. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

9. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with “obstruction of justice.” This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

10. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they’re always slick with blood.