Lindsay Lohan Seeks Divine Intervention

Lindsay Lohan was spotted prowling the streets of Beverly Hills when the keen eyes of Flynet caught a glimpse of her latest read — “God’s Promises” for your every need is apparently helping Lindsay decide the path to righteousness. Sadly, she needs a lot more than just a bible to redeem her soul for an everlasting eternity in heaven.

If I was Jesus Christ, I’d first expect her to write an apology letter for every man that became infected with an STD after a sexual encounter. I can only guess there’s worse things Lohan’s done that would land her in hell, but I’ll let my fingers rest for now.