Doug Looks Angry

Paris Hilton is taxing every inch of her diseased & crusty pale-skinned body for yet another attention soaker, spooking the innocent bystanders with a makeup-slathered herpe face inside JFK airport Tuesday. Rather violently arm-yanked around by “boyfriend” Doug Reinhardt, Paris objected to swift extraction in exchange for an ego stroking autograph session! The pair barely stepped off an 8-hour flight from London before pestering those poor folks.

More recently while skanking it up at Cannes, the lie-telling whorebag denies being bounced from an after party aboard David Furnish’s yacht for X-rated PDA after the captain interrupted a rather inconspicuous penetration mission also contaminating the sparkling latrine walls–quickly deemed unfitting behavior for this particular boat! This man is a true hero.

Ever since her infamous sex tape in ‘05, this trick has barely managed to strike viral popularity on a scale compared to massive proportions, like recent Hollywood mega-scandals we’d dub epic! Recall yet? Self-declared “divas” and pop starlet entertainers known as Rihanna and Cassie simultaneously became engulfed in uncensored & smokin’ hot (though suspiciously leaked) nude photo scandals! Which possibly, may also include a sex tape courtesy of Rihanna’s (ex-lover) Chris Brown–said mysteriously lurking somewhere in the web of tubes! (Yes, we’ll post this dirty romp movie soon as it leaks).

Sooner than later, Paris will be frustrated after extreme lack of attention…probably long before she kicks a broke-ass Doug Reinhardt aside for some new cock meat sandwiches! Suddenly his trust fund becomes nothing more than a worthless pile of medical bills (thanks to treatment for itchy monthly outbreaks!) This nightmarish probability is easily avoided by one simple measure–Making available Paris’ 2009 dude-fucking tally as widespread public knowledge–problem (instantly) solved!

You know it rivals most of your mother’s combined lifetime sexual partners, no fuckin’ joke! Now LOL at the crudely ridiculous statement below:

“I would never do that,” says the heiress. “It’s so lame that people will just create these crazy stories. I can’t believe the stories people will make up, so gross! I’m so sick of all these false rumors. It’s not fair that writers can get away it. They have no credibility.

Sick joke?